Warning: this is written partially in the plural first person. You might want to read "...admitting I'm a multitude" first. All Schizophrenics proceed as you are already farther down the path and ready for the plural first person.
Seeking enlightenment may just be our first flaw. "Being satisfied" and "wanting more" remain locked in battle with cannons as close as the now and as far as the then. So what am I to do? Not want to become a better version of myselves? That is frankly unacceptable, except maybe to the me's that are wounded who have already given up but I will not leave them behind. We will leave no one behind. There is no acceptable level of lose.