Saturday, May 17, 2014

Pretending to not seek enlightenment

Warning: this is written partially in the plural first person. You might want to read "...admitting I'm a multitude" first. All Schizophrenics proceed as you are already farther down the path and ready for the plural first person.

Alex Proimos
I've come to believe through many conversations with myselves that being unsatisfied with the collective selves I am now, and wanting greater enlightenment, leaves us caught in a net of our own designs. A few of us are sure, I'm not the first to be hauled in by this net but it is my first time.

Seeking enlightenment may just be our first flaw. "Being satisfied" and "wanting more" remain locked in battle with cannons as close as the now and as far as the then. So what am I to do? Not want to become a better version of myselves? That is frankly unacceptable, except maybe to the me's that are wounded who have already given up but I will not leave them behind. We will leave no one behind. There is no acceptable level of lose.

I, some of us but not all of us, have decided to "pretend to not seek enlightenment" while doing just that. This will have to be a covert operation, most will have to be left believing we are all satisfied. And this is good and right. A few of us will have to scout ahead, looking for enlightenment, while the rest of us stay here unaware of the others and their "wanting actions", but satisfied. It's hard because even those that will likely have to stay are not even convinced they are satisfied. We likely will have to plant an infiltrator amongst the would-be satisfied to make sure they remain so. This is the most dangerous and important role of the entire operation.

She, the infiltrator, must hope internally for success of enlightenment but outwardly appear, nay, preach the virtue of being satisfied, of being present. She will be tempted. She will be alone. And it is her ability to play her part that keystones the whole bridge from here to there. Stay strong and fake it until we make it. Those of the me that go ahead, wish her multi-tiered success; in believing in the greater search for enlightenment, remain inwardly unsatisfied and outwardly the leader of the Be Here Now kind of satisfaction. Only a woman. Only a strong woman.
Terry Chay

No comments:

Post a Comment

Be nice.